This Morning I looked in the Mirror ~                                  AND SAW MY MOTHER!

by H. Boehnke-Sharp

What an experience! What a revelation…Maybe it’s my 30th birthday coming up? Now, when I look at my daughter who is becoming fiercely independent, I understand my mother more and more!

This process started shortly after my daughter was born in Oct. 97. I was suddenly overcome with this STRONG feeling of guilt! After a few days I couldn’t stand it anymore, and under sobs and teary-eyed, I called my mother and asked:”How can you still love me after all the things I have said and done?” My husband says he is proud of me, because this means I finally see the light! My mother just laughed, and told me she loved me!

Do we women have to give birth to a child to understand our parents, mainly our mothers? Remember when you wanted to go out, but your mom said “No, because it’s raining” (In my case my transportation was an off-road motorcycle. You cannot drive in Germany until you are 18!)? She never told me she didn’t want me to go because she was worried, and I thought it was so unfair! How many times did I feel misunderstood and patronized! Now I have to call halfway around the world for the advice I used to shrug off! Let that be a lesson learned!

I feel that one of the reasons parenting my daughter comes naturally to me is: My Mother! She didn’t even know what she was doing when she cuddled me and rubbed my stomach instead of giving me pills, or when she took me to work. She also gave me a lot of responsibility when I was a little older, since she had to work, and it was just her and I. She confided her problems to me and asked me for advice, when other parents would have said “She’s just a kid!” My mother always let me make my own decisions and mistakes, even if she had her own opinion about it. We are still very close and cuddle, even though I am almost “30”!

Now I have also taken on a “Mother’s Instinct” when it comes to her…a switch of roles. When I call her and she is not where I feel she is supposed to be, I leave reprimanding messages! I worry when she is sad or sick. I remind her to go to the doctor, and prepare “Relax Days” when she visits. She often tells me I am doing a great job being a mother to my daughter, which means a lot to me.

I am a little sad and  teary-eyed when I write this, because my best friend lives so far away from me now. Nevertheless, my long-distance company loves me, and I would rather sacrifice something else than to lower my phone bill. Many of us take our parents for granted, until they are unreachable. I am very lucky to have this relationship, but even if yours is not as harmonious, you must forgive and remember the good things you have received.