My Husband~The Sex
Object
by H. Boehnke-Sharp
This morning when my husband returned from
his first night at a new job, he came to give me a kiss and let me know he was home safe.
You would think he would just say “good night, I am here”…but no. He says:
“Man, those women in there are crazy! Grabbing me on my ass and rubbing up against
me!” Just what a woman, 38 weeks pregnant and ready to burst any minute wants to
hear, right? I jolt up, look at him, and start to burst out laughing. “Welcome to the
world of night clubs!”
You see, my
husband is now doing Security a few nights a week at a hotel nightclub. Security and
bouncers at these clubs often have “celebrity status”, being empowered to choose
who “gets in” and who doesn’t. Their authority seems to awaken women’s
dreams of “men in uniform”, and they even have their own groupies that hang out
by the doors. I worked in nightclubs for many years when I was younger, and remember this
scene too well.
What I also
remember is the groping and grabbing, and the many beers that “accidentally”
slipped out of my hands. I may have looked like a stupid klutz, but that way I got rid of
at least one idiot for the night. You just don’t look too macho with a big WET stain
on the front of your pants! Women, who work in clubs, even if they are tame, go through
the grabbing, pressing, squeezing, etc game all the time. You have your regulars, who are
there all the time, and feel that you are free bait if they have seen you there three
times or more. Never mind that you are just doing your job! Now if you persevere at one
club for a while, you may actually gain some respect and only have to whip the “rookies”
in shape every once in a while. Or you have seniority and become a bartender!
Now let me tell you,
ladies: For some odd reason the “stronger” gender is always briefed when
starting out at the nightclubs. They are actually told that the women will be throwing
themselves at them (are we desperate??), and to keep it professional. Luckily, the clubs I
worked at were very professional and briefed me too, letting me know which bouncer to
summon when things got out of hand. But I always seemed to invoke “big brother”
feelings in our bouncers, and they were right by my side.. I don’t see that happening
with my husband….
I must say, I do
have a beautiful husband, and I am sure after the first shock wears off, he will learn how
to handle the adoration. I must also admit, I
am a bit jealous and was contemplating taking my big belly to the club and spreading the
word HE IS MINE…looking is fine, but please DO NOT TOUCH!! (Of course, I will never
do that. Just a note to my panicking friends!)
So tonight as he walked
out the door for another night of butt patting, I brushed over his black pants and said,
"Maybe they were just trying to get the white dog hair off your butt?!"
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