A very controversial subject: tthe
Family Bed. Lately, the Family Bed has received more and more publicity in the media,
whereas in the past years it was somewhat of a hushed subject. Parents did not openly
admit that their children slept with them on a regular basis, but now it's turning into a
"trend."
Growing up in Germany in the city, space was limited at a premium price. I remember all
of us kids sharing a bed in the bedroom at my Nana's house (at least five people!), my
mother and I sharing a bed with my Oma, and I shared a bed with my mom until I moved out
at 18. So, you see, for me the Family Bed is in the genes. My husband comes from a family
of eight children, so he never experienced sleeping alone in a bed until he joined the
army!
When my daughter was born, there was never a question about her sleeping with us. It
was easy for me to nurse her at night and I felt she was safer with us. As a first time
mom, I was scared to death of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death), and I felt that I could monitor
her better if she slept right next to me. There is ongoing research to determine if
co-sleeping lowers the risk of SIDS, as some studies show that that there is a lower rate
of SIDS in environments and countries where babies sleep with their parents or with other
siblings. It is presumed that the infants do not fall into such a deep sleep that they
forget to breathe, and that the regular breathing of a parent or sibling encourages a more
regular breathing pattern. James McKenna, Ph.D., Senior Researcher for the SIDS Project,
tells of the results of some of his studies in Sleeping with Baby and SIDS. In Bedsharing and SIDS, several
doctors and researchers state their opinions and experiences on the subject. SIDS is still
a phenomenon that baffles the medical world, because to this day it can not be determined
when which child will be affected. There is no pattern and no symptoms to watch for.
Some safety measures must be observed when sleeping with infants. Avoid drugs and
alcohol - they put a damper on your senses, and you may smother your child without
realizing it. Also avoid featherbeds, fluffy pillows and comforters. It is recommended
that you have the bed against a wall or put up a safety gate, and that mom sleeps between
the infant and dad. It is said that moms have a "baby sensor" and subconsciously
are always aware of the baby's presence, even during deep sleep (sorry dads, you are known
to roll!). You should never leave an infant on the edge of a bed without protection; you
never know when their first flip or roll may be!
Co-sleeping is not for every family. Bedsize and number of family members are important
factors! As already mentioned, if drugs or alcohol are being consumed, or prescription
medicine that sedates or causes drowsiness, infants or small children should not be
sharing the bed with parents. Some parents just do not feel comfortable sleeping with
their children, and some feel that the bedroom and the master bed are a place for
intimacy, not family gatherings. Three or more restless sleepers in one bed can amount to
sleepless nights and a grouchy family. My daughter slept with us "peacefully"
until she was about 7 months old. All of a sudden she started ramming us at night,
swinging from side to side, head butting, and scooting up and down the bed. The night I
had to pluck her from between the headboard and the mattress where she was stuck and
grunting for the third time, was the night we decided it was time for the CRIB. So I
pulled it next to my bed, and on restless nights I would lay her in there. And guess what?
She slept peacefully, and so did we. To the issue of dependency (I always got the
"when are you going to get her out of your bed" line), I think every child
sleeps alone when they are ready, some later, some earlier. There is nothing as refreshing
as opening your eyes to a beautiful little smile right in your face (they don't care about
morning breath!) or waking up to little fingers poking in you eyes, nose and mouth!. Some
nights my daughter sleeps with us, and on the weekends we all hang out in the bed and
play, read, sleep, eat, etc. It's like our family room! This way children become secure
sleeping on their own. They know they always have a safe, warm spot in the BIG BED if they
need it.
