Bordering on Poor 

by H. Boehnke-Sharp

When I quit my very well paying job a few years ago, I was making almost double my husband’s paycheck. I was blind to finances; my only goal was to stay home with my then 2-year-old daughter. I looked at my husband’s salary, and my fluctuating commission checks and asked: “Can we make it?” I was in such turmoil over my daughter, that staying home to raise her myself was my only and ultimate goal, no matter what sacrifice I had to make.

 I come from a good income family, am an only child, and never had to want for anything in my life. Now as an adult, all of a sudden I had to learn to cut back and sacrifice my “wants”, which I considered “needs”. “But you CHOSE that life!” you say? Yes, I did, but I did not calculate the long-term consequences of my decision and lifestyle change, and now there is realistically no turning back. 

Over the years, situations have introduced me to the term “working poor”. When my husband was laid off early 2002 without notice or pay, we quickly became “poor”.  Like many low/medium income families, we were living paycheck to paycheck, and really did not have any back up for situations like this, except credit cards. We also lost our medical insurance, and at about the same time I found out I was pregnant with my second child. We went from a one income to no income, and had to rely on my fluctuating commission checks to pay the bills and eat. We struggled for months, and I was introduced to the system and society that many women encounter as everyday reality.

 My daughter, now 4, heard term “We don’t have any money for that” so often, she asked me if we were “poor”. It threw me. “We are not poor, baby,” I explained, “ We just don’t have extra money. But we have a house to live in, enough food to eat. Many families have nothing.” 

Even though my husband and I were busting our ass and in this together, I realized how dependent I had become on him for survival, and that was a real shock. I have never depended on anyone to hold MY future in HIS OR HER hands. 

I have become a just a “mom”, a woman out of the workforce; and in this society I am considered worthless. There is no measurable value given to me my work as a mother, housewife, volunteer, and home based entrepreneur (unless I make money and pay taxes). The line between having a roof over my head and not has become very thin. The years I am spending raising my children will make me a poor senior citizen, since Social Security and Medicare qualifications are measured by the amount of time you have worked. Everything I am doing now to raise wonderful humans, my volunteer work with a mother’s support group, and the other “non-paying” projects I am working on are considered “null”. I have become one of the growing numbers of American women who are trying to fight a materialistic society.

 We women tend to sacrifice more than men in almost EVERY aspect of life. We perform with our emotions, we kill ourselves to look good, over-achieve, and juggle motherhood and career, and more, just to be recognized in a male dominated society. Yet, as soon as we stop treading water, we are no longer valuable and recognized.

 Even if I go back to work after my children are older, the chances of receiving my old job status and pay are minimal. The term “sequencing” jumps up, and women are at the butt of society’s totem pole. Reality is: if my husband decided to leave me tomorrow, I would be left with nothing, and could eventually join the shrouds of women that fill the shelters with their children. These are not all “welfare mamas”, mentally ill women, or alcoholics, as people often assume. Many of these women are like you and me, whose husbands just up and left, who became ill and lost their jobs, and eventually their homes. There are ladies out there that will blow you away with their positive outlook and survival skills. Studies show that the ratio of poor women seniors is higher than men. We live longer, and many women raised families instead of a career. This does not only affect “mothers”, but women in general, since the payrate for males is still higher than for women performing the same jobs. Thus, when it is time for retirement and Social Security, even life-long career women will have to live with less.

 What to do, ladies? I am working on a research project to explore and cover this neglected field. I will list some resources for books as well as support contacts for homeless women. Even if you are not homeless, take a look, maybe you can support them in some way. Over the next issues I hope to gain feedback, success stories, and resources from my readership. I would like to see the Goddess in the Groove be a turning point, a sense of direction for women in need.

 One thing I must add. You do not have to go on welfare to get support. There are other women out there going through the same thing. Find them! Look for networks, simplicity groups, or start one of your own. Band together and educate each other. Look for a home-based business. Women are a natural for networking, and many very wealthy women operate here. There are so many to choose from, and there are always the old “standards” that have been around for generations already.  Form investment clubs (you can start with as little as $10 a piece). Education is power, and power is in the numbers. When you vote next time, vote for the representative who tackles OUR problems.

 Ann Crittenden, the national best selling author of ” The Price of Motherhood“, was an inspiration for my quest on this subject. You can find her excellent website, that is filled with information and resources at www.anncrittenden.com. Following are some resources from this website, but there are many more:

 http://www.iwpr.org/

The Institute for Women's Policy Research (IWPR) is a public policy research organization dedicated to informing and stimulating the debate on public policy issues of critical importance to women and their families. IWPR focuses on issues of poverty and welfare, employment and earnings, work and family issues, the economic and social aspects of health care and domestic violence, and women's civic and political participation. 

MOTHERS

As of September 2002, a group of mothers, writers, and women's advocates are launching a new grassroots mothers' movement called MOTHERS (Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights). Our website will be www.mothersoughttohaveequalrights.com. Check it out and learn how you can participate. Above all, send us your email address so that you can be part of our listserv and receive important notifications of actions and developments in our mission to improve the economic well-being of mothers and other caregivers.

For information on a women's advocacy group near you, or a national organization involved in issues of interest to you, check with The National Council of Women's Organizations, at www.womensorganizations.org.

Contact the Women's Action Connectiv at www.womensaction.net/wacsubsc.html, to subscribe to a newsletter full of good information on women's issues currently up for consideration in Congress. For actions directed at Capitol Hill, you can find contact information for your member of Congress, including phone number and email address, at www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html and www.senate.gov/senators/

For information on state legislators and state initiatives, contact The National Conference of State Legislators. The organization's human services program tracks state efforts on a broad range of family policy issues, including child care. www.ncsl.org.

For more information on Homeless Women’s Shelters, or organization helping low-income women find permanent homes in YOUR community, just put “homeless women” with your city in the search area, and you find many sites dedicated. I found too many to list, and most of them where city specific.

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